Sunday, January 6, 2013

Duct tape for workplace safety

We had planned a workplace safety post around the story that German discount grocer Aldi was spying on its employees.

There have been several high-profile scandals of companies spying on workers, like Deutsche Telekom - but that's water under the phone lines.

We wanted to illuminate the safety angle because, deep down, we all know that any such action by management is for the safety of workers and customers.

But things change, instead we write about the role of duct tape [get it?] in workplace safety after learning of a drunk airline passenger being duct taped to the seat. We really like that airline crew and make Icelandair our official airline. Do we get free air miles for that plug?

We proudly announce that the K-landnews regularly duct tapes contributors to their chairs when they miss a deadline.

If that sounds illegal to you, you should know that every contributor signs a safety clause in the contract. The clause gives management the right, at management's sole discretion, to use duct tape to prevent accidents and keep insurance premiums affordable.

An employee falling asleep at the desk can fall off the chair, breaking a nose or an arm, or hit his head on the desk, possibly gouge out an eye when they slump forward onto the coffee mug now serving as pencil and pen holder.

That dangerous mug and other hazards are neutralised by early, judicous use of duct tape!

Oh, we also noticed that some people very much enjoy being duct taped to things.

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