Friday, April 12, 2013

Becoming a mormon?

Because AA cannot help me with my a alcohol problem.

Which is that I don't like alcohol, and almost everything except Vodka gives me a headache. Why is that a problem? Because of perception, let me explain.

Having known several friends and other people who struggled with alcohol, having read almost everything written by Charles Bukowski, an article we saw somewhere last year piqued our curiosity.

It was a first person account by a woman who had had a drinking problem for decades, detailing how she dealt with temptation, how it impacted her life.

In short, the common struggles, victories, and setbacks. Until, that is, she described how she declined alcohol at social events, dinners, etc.

Having explained that one of her favorites was, sorry, alcohol gives me migraines, she then went on to describe how some people interpreted this as veiled confirmation of her struggle with alcohol addiction.

Declaring myself a mormon would solve my version of the problem since they famously don't drink. Or are not supposed to.

If you don't smoke, you are the cool kid these days. That flicker in the eyes of your interlocutor isn't there.

So, if you have struggled with alcohol in the past, you can avoid the pity, the winks by simply declaring yourself a mormon.

Maybe I'll try it and let you know how the inevitable discussions paned out.

The whole looking into a hat to decipher some gold tablets has a certain charm. They are smart people, if you look at how they explain the period of plural marriage (God told them to do it for a limited period of time).

And I am sort of a miracle worker myself, if I may say so. I can turn wine into water, it just takes a few hours.


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